Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The (Very) Rough Guide to David Bowie
Every David Bowie album I've heard on a two point scale.
Space Oddity (1969) – Hit single + hippie folkie strumming junk. SUCKS
The Man Who Sold the World (1970) – Stiff compressed acid metal. RULES
Hunky Dory (1971) – Bent piano pop. RULES
The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars (1972) – Zippy crunchy space alien glam r-o-c-k. RULES
Aladdin Sane (1973) – Ziggy Pt. II, more guitar, less opera. RULES
Pin Ups (1974) – British Invasion covers. Go buy 'The Who Sell Out' instead. SUCKS
Diamond Dogs (1974) – Ziggy Pt. III but minus Mick Ronson and therefore SUCKS
Young Americans (1975) – Plastic Philly soul. SUCKS
Station to Station (1976) – Cocaine, Kraftwerk, and the roaring of trains. Genre: indescribable, or in other words, "What the hell is this?!" RULES
Low (1977) – Side One: Fragmented, spacey pioneering synth-pop. Side Two: Eno-ambient instrumentals. RULES
Heroes (1977) – Side One: Fragmented, spacey pioneering synth-pop. Side Two: Eno-ambient instrumentals. But not quite as good as Low. RULES
Lodger (1979) – More Eno-collaborationist synth-pop, but more fully fleshed out real songs, no instrumentals. RULES
Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps) (1980) – Same as before but more angular guitar hooks and deliberately mannered, off-key singing and not quite as good as the four albums preceding but still RULES. Sort of.
Let's Dance (1983) – '80s dance pop. This does not rule yet does not suck. It's OK
Tonight (1984) – '80s dance pop. SUCKS
Never Let Me Down (1987) – Springsteen lite mainstream rock. SUCKS
Tin Machine (1989) – Stiff compressed acid metal. SUCKS
Black Tie White Noise (1993) – New Jack Swing '90s dance pop. SUCKS
Outside (1994) – An old fart's idea of what Nine Inch Nails sound like. SUCKS
Earthling (1996) – An old fart's idea of what trendy club-goers drop ecstacy to. SUCKS
I haven't heard any of his new albums since then and frankly am not particularly interested. I'm assuming they all suck but I could be wrong.